Henrietta

Chronic pain is not something I like to advertise or talk about because it makes me feel weak or not good enough or broken and I don't want to worry people BUT it is time to speak out a bit. I just wanted to say, hey peeps, I've been dealing with chronic pain for 6 years.

I call her Henrietta.

I wanted to let you know that if I am looking at you and maybe having this glazed over look, Henrietta is not allowing me to process words. Henrietta also gets in the way of my decision making brain, rational brain. Henrietta also keeps me at home so meeting up is a bit impossible. Henrietta makes me wear loose clothes that make me seem more of a hippie than I really am. She doesn't make me feel sexy. Henrietta doesn't let me play sports anymore. She also makes relationships suffer. Henrietta does not let me sleep. Henrietta isn't killing me but she does affect me on a day to day basis. I have learned so much from Henrietta. She has taken me down roads that I didn't know existed. One day I will say goodbye to Henrietta with the help of my healing energy family. That day apparently is not today. There is a timing to all things.

Thank you for reading💜 

Body Pains

I lie down on my back with my knees bent. My head has a slight ache as I look at the stick-on stars in my sister's old room. It's 2:05am.
Insomnia has been a part of my life for about 5 years. But it has an explanation.

Well here goes...I have hypertonic pelvic floor disorder.

I know what you must be thinking...what? Doesn't sound so bad.

No it isn't bad in the sense that I don't have a terminal illness. I don't need surgery (hopefully). All my vitals seem to be good.

But what I do have is pain. Itching, stinging, throbbing, prickly pain. Where you ask? Well....in my vulva (I know it is a funny word) and lower pelvic floor region. Sometimes back, hips and legs. Not fun.

So it has changed my life. I left Boulder, I left Philadephia, and here I am back at home trying to win this. It has taken me years to actually get a diagnosis. I didn't know what to make of it. I wanted to let people know in a blog post because well, people just don't know and it can be very lonely. I get comments like, "Wow you look tired, are you alright?" "Are you sick?"

No, just can't sleep and I have pain in places I probably shouldn't talk about in school.

I have always seen myself as a very active person, but lately I've been trying to visualize these tight muscles into liquid jello.

I'm also a walking pharmaceutical for pain and sleep. Blah. Talking to the girl who used to make Burdock tea from the Burdock in the yard and hunt for her own mushrooms.

I have many blessings and now more support than ever. Which is awesome. I don't feel as lonely and people are starting to understand.

Time slows

A certain special someone aka my amazing incredible partner boyfriend told me about my blog that I started while I was in Boulder. He was reading it today. I thought, wait..I have a blog! I thought this would be a good time to start posting again. I have no idea who my "followers" are but it is a great way to reflect, slow-down, and recount what is happening in life.
Currently, I live at home. I used to uncomfortable with this arrangement. I wondered what people would say. Would they judge and conclude that I never left adolescence? I also would question myself. Should I be spreading my wings and going off in the wild blue yonder....again? The cities do not suit me, I love nature, and my parents are pretty great. Why leave? My Tibetan teacher thought it really astonishing that we leave our parents' house. He told me that my parents are a gift, why leave them? He does have a point. But there is something to say about having your own autonomy and space. Also, I live on a farm. Not a full running farm at the moment, but it is a special time because we are really making the garden robust. I want to see this farm grow. I want to plant organic juicy tomatoes and sell them at local farmer's markets. I want to have a horse again. Goats? Could happen. I am also a massage therapist and yoga teacher and we have built great rooms in the barn for these purposes. If I ever did want to move, I have a couple of moving options for the future. 1. Build a yurt on my parent's property. 2. Built a yurt on my boyfriend's dad's property. 3. Find/build a nice cabin close to home. This could obviously change, and I could be living in Washington State next year, but I am enjoying my time now and couldn't think of a better arrangement.
I do love my town. It is amazing how many people have gone away and come back. My friend Lydia said she would like to do a study of how many people leave Shenandoah County and then come back, it is an amazingly high number. My town is growing in the arts. My talent lies within the theatre world. I love performing, choreographing, and directing. I am currently directing The Nerd by Larry Shue at Theatre Shenandoah. Auditions are this weekend (come join the fun!). The Shultz Theatre is always putting on all kinds of shows that are superb. The art galley in Woodstock is teeming with great works. My friend Katherine is on the committee of setting up a local brewery. This is becoming a great town, or really, it is a great town. I am also in the energetic healing arts, and surprising, there is a wonderful community for it. So, why leave?
 I'll be starting up yoga classes in the barn and I'm always available for Massage. I'm making new cards and they will be dispersed all over so get ready to feel rejuvenated and relaxed.    

Cloudy Sunday

I haven't visited my blog in awhile. I wasn't aware that people were reading it until I received comments that they were acknowledging my script. Well, to catch up from my last post would be a book. The abridged version will have to do. I recently removed myself from Facebook for the time being. It is amazing the withdrawal symptoms that I have been experiencing. Nausea, confusion, disconnection, loneliness....but from what? Peoples faces, pictures, posts, pokes, comments, etc. They aren't even there!! It is a representation of them that is not real. It is not REAL! Yes, it is them to a certain extent, but I find it is only a cursory glance of who they really are. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm living in extremes and other people use FB in a healthy manner. It is a network to keep in touch with people and when I go back to school, I'm sure my face will magically reappear again. It is nice that they have that option to 'deactivate' instead of wipe yourself out completely. Time to see what is around me instead of daydreaming about lives on a screen.

So yes I am taking a respite from school. Nurture is the theme. Nurturing others and myself. Which sometimes happens simultaneously. Massage and horses are my occupations. All hands on, which is a drastic change from what I was experiencing. Desk work. Forgetting about the body completely, now it is nothing but my body, others bodies, and animals bodies. It is my job to keep others healthy. Plus, looking after myself which usually takes a back burner. We had some people stay at our house who were part-taking in an energy healing year long course. There was talk of our farm transforming into a healing center and I think there is a powerful force making it happen. IT is exciting! The energetic force makes it hard for me to move, but my ties to home will be stronger in the future when I do finally leave for school. School? Not sure yet. Still marinating what is in store for me.

As I look out into the field, I see green green green. This calms me. I'm a nature being. We all are. But some of us who work in industries, companies etc, forget the connection. For instance, I had to kill a baby copperhead with a friend yesterday that was wedged in a horse stall door. I hate killing things but I eat dead meat all the time. So, it just got me closer with the natural cycle of the universe.  I also justified the motivation. I knew if I didn't kill it, the horses could be in danger. She threw down a large boulder on its head while I broke the spine with a shovel. This baby snake was tough! It put up a good fight. We put it in the woods. Probably a good snack for a Black Snake. Baby copperheads are more dangerous because they can't control their venom. So be careful and aim hard and fast!

A massage FOR ME awaits me downstairs. Beautiful.

Books I'm reading: The HUNGER GAMES trilogy. Finished the first book. Excellent. Great commentary on war, Hollywood, materiality, fame, "love", and youth.

Start of the New

It is the start of the new. New for many things. It is the start of the new year, the start of being 25, and the start of the new school year. A fresh start is always nice. But I used to think a fresh start meant leaving the old behind and continuing with the new. Over the break I thwarted this notion. I decided to bring the past into the new present and celebrate. For my birthday, the guests consisted of women from important phases of my life. Juju from Camp Strawderman, Julia from elementary/middle school, Rachel from high school, Lindsay from College, Faye from Massage school, and Katie joined as a semi-new gem. It was so nice to see these beautiful faces as we enter into true womanhood. I hope they weren't too scared with my Dad's stories of Bronx witches or the fact that we have various thankas on the walls. Our family is a bit spiritually eclectic. I guess we just accept it all. Something I truly cherish. No wonder my masters program is Contemplative Religions at a Buddhist inspired school. These women share a past with me that I want to start cherishing. Each day is precious and can leave an impact in your life. Some days are more profound than others, but each day counts as something unique and precious. Dwelling on past mistakes doesn't do any good. I can see how the mind can get stuck there and can fuel future actions. The cycle of samsara if you will.
On my birthday, I got to take a dance class with mom. Not tap, like we did in high school, but ZUMBA!! Emily was also a friend from the past and we had a blast in her class. So worth it. Go to her class in Woodstock if you get the chance or find a Zumba class near you. Amazing workout and your will have fun dancing. She kicked my booty.
The start of the new semester is almost here. I recently changed my religious studies track to Contemplative Religions so I can have a broader base to teach. Very exciting. I can't wait to start teaching in a high school setting or community college.
Changes are happening all the time. This year seems very auspicious and fun:) I'm thoroughly intrigued to what the future holds. Happy newness to all.

Book(s) I am reading: Angels in my Hair

Mondays

Mondays are always difficult it seems. I am still reverberating from the weekend bash of music, conversations, the things I learn, and the people you hang with. They are still vibrating in my bones. Food and drink that maybe I shouldn't have eating/drank are still sloshing around in my stomach. And I have to shlep myself to class at 9:00 etc. It is a fun time:) Mondays.
I am going to make an agreement with myself to not say anything negative about anyone for a week. Even if the old lady spits on me in the street or the biker cuts me off, I'm really going to just shut up. I think the world would be a happier place if we just refrained from unnecessary gossip about people. I create this illusion in my head that I don't do it, but really I am totally at fault. I love people. Even the ones that make me frustrated, I love them too. I know this sounds really contrite but it is true.
I recommend seeing Harry Potter and 127 hours. Both are divine in their own way. Both have necessary humor that makes you laugh and cry at the same time. Both are unbelievably painful and heartbreaking. Both have characters that overcome the unthinkable feats. I love those types, it makes being a human feel completely worth it.

I don't have much to say today. Cheers. Tibetan word: འཇམ་པ་(jam pa) smooth

on the journey

Today was an extraordinary day. I received an angel reading discussing my past births on this planet. What my soul body is made up of. What my strengths are etc. I think if everyone had the chance to talk with their angels through someone, this place would be so much more peaceful and congenial. We would be striving for what was best for us and in turn help people along the way. It was very profound and I recommend anyone who is going through a tough time, find people who can talk to guardian angels and spirit guides to give you a perspective of what your soul needs to do on this planet.
So I have been driving my car way too much lately. I've had this feeling that I really need to take the health of the world seriously. CO2 emissions are creating this overlay of green house gases, trapping toxins for our lungs....yum. But as Joanna Macy says, this is not necessarily a bad time, but it means that we have to make a drastic change in order to save this planet. A drastic change is needed. I am for it! It is really about changing habitual patterns. Something we talk about in Mind and Its World all the time. Looking at our concepts and working with them. Not rejecting the concepts but working with them in order to achieve yogic direct valid cognition:) I used to think that enlightenment was a cure for my conceptual mind. That Buddhism was the ultimate fix, but really it is just taking a look at yourself and saying, what can I do better. Meditation is a tool to change patterns. instead of mulling in thoughts of Change is really scary. So scary that I run from it sometimes. I love my conceptual comfort zone that I protect and defend. To lose that feels ungrounded and scary. But sometimes that is where the magic happens. In the "unsafe" zone.
I think it can start small. Like changing your diet. Eating better foods. Reading up on nutrition. Knowing what your body needs is important. Noticing your emotional patterns is good. How do you feel when you get up in the morning. Are you already regretting the day? Are you already planning a gazillion things? OR are you saying YES!!! YAY FOR THE DAY! I love the quote in our bathroom by the Dali Lama:
A Precious Human Life
Every day, Think as you wake up
Today I am fortunate to have woken up
I am alive, I have a precious human life,
I am not going to waste it.
I am going to use
All my energies to Develop myself
To expand my heart out to others,
To achieve enlightenment for
The benefit of All beings,
I am going to have kind
Thoughts towards other,
I am not going to get angry,
Or think badly about others
I am going to benefit others
As much as I can

I read this every morning while peeing. It helps start my day with a positive note.
Another Tibetan test awaits me in the morning. Sometimes I wonder where this life is leading me? Where am I going? Why am I learning this language again? Then I think, wait I'm learning Buddhist studies and the main teaching is to stay in the present moment. Did I learn anything?? Hahaha. See what unfolds I guess and trust. I think we don't trust enough in the path. We try to control when really, what is there to control? We have to make steps yes but enjoy the journey. Dance within the journey. I've had many spiritual guides tell me to dance within the journey. Well, I'm dancing. I'm not running to a goal anymore, I'm dancing within the space and soaking in what it has to offer.

HOWL

I feel like so much time has passed since my last post. I just want to put it down in one blurb:
Tibetan tests!
Fur Elise
Chopin
Impromptu
George Sand (wanting to be her)
Meditation, Meditation
Future ideas
money trouble
halloween ideas
soccer
friends
the liver and what it does
HOWL

That is just a quick blurb of my mind lately.
This past week I saw the movie HOWL, which is about the poem by Allen Ginsberg.


I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked,
dragging themselves through the negro streets at dawn looking for an angry fix,
angelheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the starry dynamo in the machinery of night.....

I suggest reading it. It changes you in a way that I cannot describe on paper. The movie was about the poem and how they were trying to ban it off the shelves and prove that it was not "literature." Really spectacular visceral animation of the poem. Take the time to just let the words soak in. Beautiful.

So this month is coming out month and it has been a tragic month of suicides of young gay men.  http://www.nytimes.com/2010/10/04/us/04suicide.html?_r=1&scp=1&sq=several%20recent%20suicides%20put%20light%20on%20pressures%20facing%20gay%20teenagers&st=cse

At Naropa we had a breakfast for the GLBTQ club and many questions about the current issue of gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered kids were jostled in my mind. Something needs to be done. Support groups need to be implemented into the school systems. This is something very real that needs to be addressed. Over the meditation weekend we did a Toglen practice for these boys who are now in the bardo crossing over. Please keep these boys in your mind and all of the teens who face oppression every day. I know in my own experience as a high school substitute there were not only violent oppressions but subtle comments thrown around about people who were "different." I know high school kids are very loose when it comes to throwing around words that can be harmful; therefore the institution itself needs to set the precedent in allowing someone to have the freedom to express themselves/orientation and being mindful of our words. My personal HOWL is to change the way we think about sexual orientation in this world. It is not so black and white. Gender is not so black and white. It is a social construction. I received the pink blanket while my brother received the blue. WHY?? I want the orange blanket. I remember this one story when I had my birthday party at the roller rink at age 10. My brother was 8 and he picked up the skates that all the other girls were getting. They were pink. My mom discretely went over to him and said, "Buddy I think those are the girls skates." He dropped them on the spot with this face of horror and went to find the "boys" skates. Do they have to be the "girls" skates? When did pink become a girl color?

I grew up mostly hanging around boys as most of my classmates know. I didn't play with barbies. Only to amuse my sister SG did I pick up the ken doll and pretend. I grew up playing football and working on the farm. I was frustrated with wearing dresses. I loved working on the farm with the guys.

So this issue about gender and sexual orientation is quite interesting. Rita Gross is doing some great work on this topic in the Buddhist world. Pick up her book. That is all for today.

Hope everyone enjoys the day!! Now off to studying. 

Oh the PIANOOOO

I revisited an old friend today. The piano.  I haven't had a lesson since I was 13. I walked up the stone path feeling really good about my decision to start lessons again. I didn't feel nervous or the least bit worried that I found this woman on craigslist.  I see her apartment filled with flowers on the balcony and buzz her number. She called me Lauren at first which was fine, I corrected her right away. Too many traumatic experiences where people didn't call me the right name, so better correct right in the beginning eh? She opens the door and at first I have a sudden feeling of hmmm because she looks like one of those elder ladies that would be a tarot card reader psychic with her fire engine red hair and an Armenian accent. I walk in to her earthy spiritual home and she immediately says that I look like Mia Farrow. Such a complement:) She directs me next to the piano and as her introduction she plays for me. She played Mozart, Beethoven, Bach,  and Chopin by memory. I knew in that instant that she was my piano guru. The lesson was amazing. It was so Buddhist! She said that the piano is her meditation. She first teaches by ear because she figures that learning by ear is better than trying to first decipher notes on a page. She was so right. We started off with Russian scales from middle C. She had me close my eyes after a couple of times and I was amazed that I did it better than with eyes open. Wow. She told me about a famous Japanese Pianist who was born blind. It is amazing what the mind can do. I played simple songs by ear-ABC, Marry had a Little Lamb, and Brother John. I have a few exercises written by Czerny. Beethoven's prime student. I need to memorize by next week. Anyone have a keyboard they want to sell?
It is great getting back into music. I felt like the little girl of 8 years old revisiting my scales. I love music. I want to really express myself through this beautiful instrument.

Tibetan test was par. I didn't know the word for desire so that is the word of the week འདོད་པ་doo ba (umlaut the oo and go from low to high toned)

Enjoy the rest of the week!

It is the little things

As I got off the phone with my sister Margot, she told me that it really is the little things that make a difference. I have to agree. Lately, I've noticed many little things that are touching. When I first got here to Boulder, I didn't know how to use the bus system. I went down to the stop and thought I could figure it out by looking at the map, but there were numbers and colors and places I didn't know....it was a nightmare to look at for the first time. But a man named Norman in a wheel chair started talking to me. He must have known that I looked a little lost. I told him that I was new to the area and that I needed to get to the main Naropa campus. He was so helpful and told me which two buses I needed. What a relief. So today, I was running out the door early to mail a couple of letters. The mail room doesn't open until 8. So at 7:45 I bought a house chai from the coffee shop next door and waited until it opened. Meanwhile, I knew the bus came at 8:10. I thought, Ok a little bit of a window but I will have to push. So I got in line first but I had to buy a small package, so they sent me back to the cashier of the Pharmaca (where the mail room is located) and then back to the mail desk. I must have looked impatient because the lady didn't seem that fond of me. I sent off my letters, grabbed my chai and ran out the door. As I was exiting, I saw the bus. My heart sank....It was about a block away on the other side of the street and I decided that I probably wouldn't make it. But I ran anyway. Breakfast peach jostling and chai a sloshing, I made a break for it. I came to the light and of course I can't get across. For some reason the bus was waiting at the stop a lot longer than usual. I said a prayer and as the bus was taking off, the light changed. This is when cross country came in handy. I sprinted yelling "WAIT WAIT!!" The poor man saw me and stopped the bus. Most of my chai seemed to puddle on the lid and my peach was definitely a nice mushy bruise. But I made it. I got on the bus and who did I see but Norman. It was Norman who helped with the delay because he is in a wheel chair and it takes sometime for the wheelchair accessible ramp to eject from the bus. Because Norman was there this morning, I was able to catch my bus. You know. Sometimes I think people like Norman are really angels in complete disguise. Riding around in wheelchairs, doing what they can to help poor innocent girls who are trying to make it in this world.

So it is the little things that make a difference.  Like the light tap on the arm in the movie theater to let you know that "I will be back." A walk with a friend around a neighborhood at night talking about giggly nonsense.  The study buddy that invites you over for dinner. The stranger on the street that directs you to the right location. Planning a birthday.
You know. It's funny. Because Buddhism stresses so much on suffering (dukha in sanskrit), I thought that we were doomed for suffering. That there was no hope for anyone. We were just trapped and that was it. Something has happened to me in the last week or so that has really impacted me. I have started to see everything as being quite fun. Now, I have a test tomorrow in Tibetan, it might change a bit for that hour. But really, life is one big heep of fun. I have started looking at life with more positivity. Yes it is suffering, and yes this world is not fair with sickness and death. But it is amazing what can happen when you start to let go. The more you hold onto things the heavier it gets, and the more burdensome. Lately, there is a lightness that wasn't there before. I think it allows one to feel more connected with reality. Oddly that is how it happens. FLip the coin to the positive and see where it goes.

So as I said, I have a Tibetan test tomorrow. SO the word of the day is་བླ་མ་(la ma which means guru)

Tuesday phew over

 Today was a bit overwhelming with a brief overview of Buddhism beginning right after the historical Buddha stood up from the Bodhi tree and started teaching. Today we covered the "three baskets" Trpitaka: Sutra Pitaka, Vinaya-Pitaka, and Abhidharma-Pitaka. Sutra are mainly discourses of the Buddha, sermons, public talks etc.. Vinaya covers the monastic community. Abhidarma is more philosophical and metaphysic. For anyone of interest, there are three canons of Buddhism: Pali Canon, Chinese (influenced East Asian Buddhism), and Tibetan. Of course Bon is not part of these Canons but that is my mission:) We shall see.
So I've had sometime to contemplate life a bit today in the midst of soaking in Tibetan for my test on Tuesday. So I'm beginning to understand the significance of meditation.... I think. But what really is enlightenment? When we attain it then some say that we are just out of cyclic existence. Others say that then our mission is to help sentient beings after attaining enlightenment. Does that mean we stop evolving? I understand that we completely dissolve karma and go beyond the conceptual mind. So no more "action" is taken....but if we come to help other sentient beings, isn't that an action? Or is the action when we label it good or bad. Or give it an adjective. So karma is only when we conceptualize it. hmmmm. So action is only bad when we think it is. But also we must take in account of motivation. If our motivation is pure then our action is pure....or "good" but that is still a concept. hmmmm.

Do we reach that non-dual union of emptiness and form? So from that do we keep evolving after enlightenment to catch up with the every changing evolutionary world that we live in or can we see everything in one spot, one instant and enlightenment goes beyond time and evolution? Are we only here to transcend or transform? Do we transcend by transforming? Surrendering the ego to the benefit of evolution. A continuous transforming flux. We are not solid, we are in a stream of continuous transformation. I think enlightenment has to do with that. Surrender. Jump out of the ego box for the benefit of humanity. The warrior. I think once we forget about the questions of enlightenment and just surrender for humanity....that is when we will attain it. So meditation allows us to transform. By catching our thoughts we catch our patterns. The transformation begins. New neural pathways are opened up. We move out of our stuck patterns that bind us in our ego box. Meditation, from what I understand, allows us to look at ourselves and move stuckness. First we have to realize we are in an ego box....then we say whoa!!! It's time to transform and bust out. See people for their authentic selves and not through our own conceptual mind. The concepts get shifted through meditation, and perhaps dissolve? I think then we reach our purpose on this earth. It just spontaneously arises the inherent wisdom, loving kindness, clarity, openness, and generosity. When we are unstuck from our conceptual mind, these inherent characteristics shine forth.

Have I lost sense? I'm tired. I hope this wasn't dizzying. This was my thought process today. With the occasional, what will I have for lunch? I can't believe I did that three years ago. If she really knew who I was, I don't think she would think the same way. Ka, Na, Pha Ma (Tibetan). OH the mind!!!!

I'm going to do extra meditation tomorrow.

Tibetan word of the day: སྙིང་རྗེ་(ning je. compassion)

Monday tea

Monday started off with a bang in Mind and Its World. Yes it is called MIND and ITS WORLD. Scary business. Not The Mind of the World but Mind and Its World. Basically Buddhist Philosophy. So on the test I couldn't for the life of me think of the proper wording for the 4 seals of Dharma. Well now I know so let me enlighten you:

All conditioned phenomena are impermanent.
All contaminated phenomena are suffering.
All phenomena are empty and selfless(ness).
Nirvana is Peace.

There you have it. Buddhism in a nutshell and I couldn't think of it this morning. I don't think I will ever forget this now. My professor is hilarious. He is Nepalese. Completely compassionate and very clear. He demands attention with his wit and superb mind. Someone in the class today had no idea what the answer was to one question, and he said, "Is it in the book? Look it up." So funny. Basically we are learning definitions with classificaitons upon definitions upon those classifications. I feel like we are taking apart Russian dolls only to find another Russian doll, and then another Russian doll. Until you end up with just the 8 particles. I feel like i'm in advanced kindergarden relearning the definition of an object and thing.
"The definition of an object is that which can be known."
The equivalents of object is knowable object, existant, established base, object of comprehension and phenomenon.
The classification of object are thing and nonthing.
"The definition of a thing is that which is able to perform a function."

Are you bored yet? I actually find this stuff incredible. We break down everything! The string theory and Buddhist theory go side by side. Breaking something down to the bare particles. Eight of them actually.
Crazy. So after a mind blowing class of objects, things, matter, consciousness, non associated formation, phenomenon, etc. I sat outside and enjoyed the Colorado sun. Did I mention that it is beautiful here every day! So amazing. I then went with a friend to the Tea house from Tajikistan. They actually brought the materials from this country to be built in Boulder. It was a gift. Awesome tea and convo.
Now I am soaking in as much Tibetan as possible. It is starting to get hard. Vocab Vocab Vocab. My mouth is not used to making certain sounds. So many homonymes!

About to go hit the hay. Feeling good about life.

Tibetan word for the day:་ཇ་(tea)

Sunday blues

I always get nostalgic on Sundays for the comfort of home. Maybe it takes me back to the days we would get ice cream from Highs after church. Probably the best ice cream ever. I would sit in church just thinking about ice cream. We would have a big sunday brunch of pancakes and fruit. Dad would read the horoscopes out of the Washington Post. Predicting our future for the week/year/life. Then we would take a walk with the dogs and check on the other various animals we had at the time.  The lush VA mountains would be tainted pink as the sun would set. It just felt so comfortable. Of course we would huddle on the couch and watch 60 minutes, Touched By and Angel and Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. I always wanted Sundays to last forever, un-enthused with the school week ahead.
Now I am in Colorado. I think about home and all the wonderful memories. I spend my Sundays taking a walk on Pearl. Maybe even treating to ice-cream. Listening to the music of the street. Studying Tibetan of course. I have recently treated myself to David Sedaris book since he will be making an appearance in Boulder. Talk about hilarity. I can relate to the big family drama that goes on within his books. I'm currently reading Me Talk Pretty One Day. I highly recommend his books for a good laugh. They create a good balance with all this heavy reading on Buddhism, which I also love, but one has to have a balance.

Tibetan word of the day: ཉི་མ་(Sunday or Sun)

Bolder on fire

A very sudden tragedy has swept through the Boulder Mts.  A 6,422 acre fire has destroyed 172 structures and 169 homes. Some people from the Naropa community have been affected by the fire. Everywhere you turned, someone was discussing it on campus. My dance professor had to evacuate her and her boys from their home. Someone in the MA Religious Studies department had his house burned to the ground with his two cats inside. Apparently, someone ran into a propane tank which caused an explosion. The winds have been sweeping the fire in a very random pattern, making it hard for the fire fighters to contain it. My house was on evacuation watch; therefore I spent the evening with my Teacher's sister Palden. She gave me yummy Tibetan Butter tea and helped me with Tibetan. Which was great! Although, most of my stuff is still in my car and I haven't had much motivation to get it out yet. They haven't said officially that we are in the clear, but they have made progress with containing it, so we should be fine. Please pray for the people who have lost their homes. What a lesson on impermanence. Also, mercury is still in retrograde and as my housemate pointed out, mercury is the planet of communication and communication has to do with fire. There have been other fires as of late in Los Angelos and a warehouse in Denver. Weird. Please Mercury, get out of retrograde. Which will happen on the 12th if anyone is into that astrology stuff. Hang in there. 


My studies have been going well. I enjoy my Tibetan class very much. I can't wait to get better and be able to speak and read fluently. I have created a Himalayan Bon Society! I do not have any members as of yet, but I plan on getting started soon. I'm waiting for Mercury to get straight again. I hope to educate people about the Bon. If anyone is interested and reads my blog: check out this website: http://bon-encyclopedia.wikispaces.com/bon+overview. Says most of what people need to know. It is a beautiful religion that is close to my heart. Send me some good vibes as I begin my new adventure with this society. 


So for health: I am off wheat, which I think will help my stomach problems and just overall keep the inflammation down in my body. I am drinking tea every night. Eating mostly rice and veggies with the occasional meat that is grass fed and no hormones. Raw milk=awesome. From my wondering traveler friends, they have introduced me to the wonders of a reishi mushroom. Drink this tea or get the capsule at a vitamin store. It will cure or help just about any ailment. It is an immune modulator. Very medicinal. Treat it with respect. 


I hope everyone is doing well out there in the world. Meditate, read, drink tea. Namaste.




Word of the day/Week in Tibetan: མེ (me: low toned nasaled) it means fire.

In my new Boulder home

WEll, we made it in one piece. It was stormy night in Kansas City, probably one of the biggest storms I have encountered. And I was in a tent!!! I felt very rough and rugged. Poor Justin. His tent leaked and he was doing the backstroke until the storm abated. AFter a morning swim, we packed the car and headed out to Boulder. Kansas is the longest and most boring state. Note to self, don't move to Kansas. No mountain...no beach....just very flat fields.  The most exciting thing was a windmill farm. Those windmills were monstrous! I thought about Don Quixote attacking them on horseback, which made me realize that I would probably do the same thing if I had no idea what they were. We took pictures:)
At this point in time, both Justin and I were craving donuts. Don't ask me why but we were. I haven't had a donut for probably a year. So we researched on Justin's handy dandy Blackberry and found a donut shop in Hays, Kansas. Well not much to Hays Kansas except for men on motorcycles. Sadly, that donut shop went out of business. We tried the next potential donut place in a Kansas town...I don't even remember the name because the only place that was there was a McDonalds and a run down pizza shop. No donuts either. Well, our donut search ended. Comon Kansas. We know you have police! Where are the donuts???
Flat flat Kansas. I drove for nine hours and my body started to twitch of hunger and tiredness. I realized that human beings cannot go without food for very long. We are so dependable on that roadside burger or foot long sub at Subway. You get to a point where your hunger is beyond control and you might eat the steering wheel.
Finally, we made it to Boulder. I was (and still am) in awe of the mountains. I turned off the radio and soaked in the wonderful vibration of these majestic mountains. My heart rang true with these wonderful peaks ahead of me. I wanted to drink them in. We made it to my humble abode. It is so quaint with a deck surrounded by trees. The kitchen is the perfect size. Windows all around with a spacious living room. My room couldn't be better. I think I like small little rooms. Very cozy.  A little fairy cottage.
This morning we had pancakes with Lacey and her boyfriend. Best banana pancakes ever. Whoever visits me, we are going to the Original Pancake House for breakfast. Cheap and yummy. A big step up from IHOP. Afterwards, Justin and I perused around Naropa's campus and took a gander in the bookstore. Checking out all the reading I will be delving into these next couple of months. So excited! We then went to the Asian festival on Pearl Street. We kind of ran into it not knowing where we were going. Stores from various locations set up their booth. I ran into Tibetan Sisters which is Khenpo Tenpa Yungdrung's sister's store. I met his brother Tsering. Small world. The festival had music, dances, and great food. Justin and I got smoothies and just took in the culture.
AFter a heart felt goodbye to Justin, I am now back in my little fairy cottage. Oh I hit up Whole Foods twice already....mom this is what Woodstock has been missing. I love Whole Foods! And I desperately need a GPS.
Keep it real everyone. Stay in touch. Much love and happiness.

Meet me in St. Louis Louis!

Yes we have made it to good ol Missouri! Or I should say MOSUREEEEEEE!! "Load up the vittles pickles and hams, melons and cherry pie. Fritters and dumplins, turkeys and yams pack in a big supply. Apples and peaches soda to sip, cider is gonna flow, with a hey and a ho and away we go on a holiday in Hannibal MOSURREEEEE!!!" Gotta love Tom Sawyer WP. We did pass through Hannibal. I miss my girls!
The drive was oh so flat from Ohio to here. Corn fields corn fields and more corn fields. I was reminded of how we are stripping our nutrients in the soil for the mass production of maze for our slaughter house cow factories that will continuously cause us health problems in this country. Sustainable agriculture? Locally grown? Grass fed? Organic? Vegetarian? arg. Oh well. I can dream. Justin on the other hand commented how he loved buttered corn on the cob or corn muffins what about corn flakes. I guess I can be a little more positive about the situation.
We decided to enter the gateway to the west through the famous arch and stop in St. Louis at a cute diner called the 12th Street Diner. I love diners. It takes you back in time. They had a Gene Kelly movie playing and Marilyn on the wall above us. The food is just plain good. Garden burger and fries and you can't leave without a milk shake. Probably full of Partially Hydrogenated Soybean Oil but I guess you can't be picky when you have been driving for 9 hours. At that point you just want sustenance! And well it was tasty.
On the road again. Nodding off to cool jazz music in this heat. The heat has not changed from VA. Still hot and humid. There is a cool breeze however. Justin just checked the weather and there seems to be a storm a brewing. They just announced on the intercom that there will be a thunderstorm around 11pm tonight. Please tents hold up!
Traveling far distances does make you think about the past. Home on the farm in Shenandoah. Dickinson College memories. Massage school. Camp Strawderman...I wonder who got SCS girl? And of course the life ahead at Naropa. It's wonderful to think about how many people have touched my heart to get me to this point. And all the experiences I have learned that I don't necessarily want to repeat. I guess it is all about growing up figuring out what makes you happy in this world.
 Let's hope my tent holds up. Until tomorrow!

Ohio!!!

Justin and I set out early in the morning for our excursion across the USA. Mom made us scruptious egg sandwiches with our tea and coffee to give us a boost at 5am. EARLY!!! I arrived at Justin's house and he looked at the car and just gave one uh-oh. The car was packed to the brim. Where was Justin's stuff going to go? Luckily with his packing skills we were able to squeeze his bags in....barely. And off we go!!! With the mountains in front of us and no rearview vision what so ever, we hit the road. Justin has been keeping me entertained with accents and making fun of town names. Friendsville, PA didn't seem to have many friendly people as Justin quoted having a mean encounter with a lady from a previous trip. Flushing Ohio? I wonder where it will end up:)  Cheat Lake to Fairview Dr. hmmmm can you pick out the discrepancy?
We stopped in Ohio at this great pizza joint called Crenos. It was in New Concord, Ohio in Muskingum County. If anyone decides to take a trip that way, it is delicious. It looks a bit dingy and small but great thin crust pizza is so worth it....yummmy. So far we have driven 300 miles through VA, WV, PA, OH ....the company and views have been priceless. Now we are at a campsite in Ohio with wireless!! I know, not very outdoorsy but I get to blog:) Until next time in Kansas City. We will travel through Indiana, Illinois, Missouri, and just over the border into Kansas. Fun times on the ROAD!!!! I'm already planning future road trips. Anyone want to go to Canada??

Chickens Unite!

It has been so great seeing people before I make the trek out to the Rockies. I'm so fortunate to have amazing people in my life with great energy and advice for the future ahead. Yesterday and today marked a memorable time. Lindsay came over and we had a blast. It started off with some yummy grilled cheese sandwiches and catching up. Then it was time to head to the barn. At the barn we are raising Road Island Red chickens with baby Araucanas and Ginny Hens. Needless to say, Lindsay and I were pretty stoked to have a field day with chickens. We set out all pumped for some chicken fun.  Immediately we spotted 3 baby ginny hens that were on the loose! Jaed visited not too long before and we caught one that had broken free. Now there were 4 running scared around the pen. Lindsay didn't even bat an eye. She was ready to snatch those hens. Now, if Lindsay were playing Quidditch she would definitely be the Seeker. Her skills for catching the birds were impressive. The birds love to get entangled within webbing that keeps them from escaping, so it was quite a feat. With determination and corralling skills, we were able to get all the hens safely back into the cage. Phew! We fed, watered and gathered eggs for the morning's breakfast.

Later that day, we soaked in the river to cool off from all the running. It felt so good. I am going to miss the Shenandoah River when I make my trek out to Colorado. Later we met up with some friends from high school for dindin and rented the movie Sherlock Holmes with Robert Downey Jr., Jude Law, and Rachel McAdams. Some of my favorite actors. Definitely with wits and brawn and a touch of humor, it left me satisfied.
The next day unfortunately we found one of the roosters dead. We had a burial for good ol rooster 2. It was sad, but SG quickly made the comment that he will come back as something better in the next life:) There must have been a brutal cock fight because we could not find the head anywhere. Well, I guess it is the circle of life.
After some lunch, massage, and pitching tents (debating which one to take on my trek to CO) Linds had to sadly go home. It won't be long before we will be reunited, perhaps on the Rockies:) Now off to Camp Strawderman to give my last goodbyes. Stay tuned for a Chicken Video demonstrating the proper way to pick up a chicken. Until next time. 3 days until the big trek across the country:)